Lily's Journal 06-How the baby girl came to be

me fink me shood tell u how me realized me true self.

me heard it takes girls longer to potty twain dan boys. well, it took me til me was bout 3 or 4 to be completely off diapers. an eben den me still had me fair share ob accidents. poop accidents were pwetty common for me. an day time pee accidents were vewy rare for me. wots ob times when me was weely focused on doing somefing me wikes me wood completely ignore da sign me needs to go, den boom, accident city. den at 5, bedwettin, stopped at bout 6. me was pwetty much in some form ob day care til 3rd gwade. it was dat stay in day care, age 7, me realized me wanna be in diapers again. an seeing how long it took to potty twain me to a state ob no accidents at all, me knew me shooda been a girl but kept it in da back ob me mind. wheneber me got a chance, me wood sneak a baby diaper an go behind da pool an wear an wet 1. it felt so good. fwom what me remembers it mustve been da 1997 Pampers Baby Dwy. da soft plastic, da cute design, da padding, me wanted it all. but no1 kood know. 1 time me got careless an me RL mom found a rash on me after a baf. all her said was me no wear diapers no more an never bwot it up again. me hopped skools alot, since around 7 me was diagnosed wiff high functioning autism. but me urges still went on. for a while me fot me was alone an da only 1 who had dem.

in dat after skool powgwam me met dis severely disabled girl named Mary an her wore diapers. dis is when me discovered adult diapers, or at her size, youth diapers. dey wooked wunnerful. but dey were 2 big for me me fink. dey had eifer 4 or 6 tapes wiff bloo words written on dem. dey were wite an yellow lines as wetness indicators which me had no idea what dey were at da time, me just fot dey were designs. wheneber her walked dey cwinkled vewy loud. me wanted dat feeling so bad. but felt alone. me got to twy on her diapers a few times thwuout me days in dat after skool pwogwam. but me neber actually had da courage to actually tape 1 on meself. dey were wot diffwent fwom baby diapers in dat dey had 3 folds instead ob 2. it felt gweat twying dem. me felt safe. da wast time me eber got to twy a weel diaper was when me was 11. dis was when me discovered me ober feelings bout diapers an me stwange arousal by dem. Me wood neber be able to twy anofer weel diaper again til me was 15.

As for me discovery ob me twu gender, all thwu me life me wood wear me moms shoes, use stuff to make bweasts, just bout anyfing to wook wike a girl. what me fot was a harmless joke at da time became what me neber expected me serious realization dat me indeed was a girl but in da wong body. me remember a time going to McDonald's wiff me gwandpawents an gettin a happy meal an dey were out ob boy targeted toys so instead me got a Barbie. Me wooked at it wiff an expwession ob wonder on me face an at da same time, confusion. Some unkown force pwevented me fwom complaining about da toy me recieved. Thwu me years after age 11 me wood use alternatives for diapers, commonly plastic bags, an sometimes me unnerwear itself. Me was yelled at all me life but it somehow didn't bother me as much as it does now.

Me used to be so clingy towards me RL mom. always yelling mommy wheneber her got home. Always wunning to her an away fwom me RL dad. dat changed as me got older. Me got along so weel wiff me RL mom an so horrible wiff me RL dad an den gwadually dwew farther away fwom me RL mom an closer to me RL dad. 1 fairly good relationship twaded itself for anofer. me still fot me RL dad meant harm wiff al his yelling. Me wood fink bout it an come to da conclusion dat his behavior is comin fwom me RL moms negative influence. He's naturally a hardass at most times but when he yells he shows no mercy, picked up fwom em RL mom. Fings were fine to a degree up in peaceful New England. Eberyfing changed foreber da moment me said goodbye to me old house an saw beautiful Massachusets for da wast time an went to da not so peachy peach state ob Georgia. Eberyfing went to hell after dat move.

Words kinnot descwibe just how much me came to hate dis pathetic white twash hick state. da ppl are rude, most ob dem hab an attitude, an dey all seem to hab a fetish for picking on "Yankees" wike me. moving here was da biggest mistake eber, but da only good fing dat came out ob it was da only person to eber weely support me. as me gwew up here, me view ob society, an da US as a whole changed foreber. No longer pwoud to be an American, but ashamed. me questioned religion, did research, read up on all me kood. in Jan 07, at age 15 in me fweshman year ob high skool, me gwandpawents moved in wiff us. we had visited dem up north back in Oct. da pwevious year ob 06. me also had to gib up me beloved cat, Gloria up for adoption since me RL gwanpa is stwongly allergic. Me is a huge cat person but for da time being me had to make due wiff a dog. her is cute, me does wuv her, but no canine kood eber replace Gloria. it was den when me RL GPawents moved in an had a single remaining weel diaper since me RL Gpa had a bad stwoke a year or so back. me took it an kept it in storage, dis time me decided to tape it on, but da tapes had worn fwom being in storage in me room. Me didn't use it much an returned it soo after an no1 weely told a diffwence. Me wood depwived ob any from ob weel diaper til hopefully dis summer, or next winter if not den. It was adult pull ups fwom me RL gwanpawents until den. Dey were nice but werent da same as a diaper, just unnerwear wiff a huge pad in it.

at around 15, me discovered me indead was not alone in me wuv for diapers. me kept readin on an researchin more bout meself. well into age 16 me got more in touch wiff me feminine side an wanted to RP as a baby girl while remaining in body, a male. me was a sissy for a long time. a few months after me joined imvu in late Dec ob 07, me met Tawa an it was den me discovered me knew was a girl all dis time but fear ob rejection an an embedded routine ob conformity had kept me silent bout me desires. her wood become me steppin stone to bein independant an livin da way me wants to live. me researched more an fot an decided me wants da twansition all da way to surgery an da stage was set. me aslo experimented wiff messin when me was mainly focused on wettin, an did it mroe an more til me eventually got used to it. me began to see da many errors ob toilet twaining. public bafrooms were nasty, holding it hurt, habing to go during long road trips was unbearable. at around early age 17, me decided me had enuff an wood persue complete incontinence an diapered 24/7 status da moment me had da pwivqacy to do so. When da skool year ob age 17 started, fings were taken da extweme. tensions were off da charts, dwama became suicide inducing, gender dysphoria became clearly visible inside me. it just got worse an worse wiff each passin month.

gettin yelled at deeply upset me an bwot back horrible flashbacks. it often left me cwyin meself to sleep many nites. an da infamous FL vacation ob Feb. 08. Me had some fun, but it was mostly just gettin yelled at, cwyin meself to sleep, an spendin ebery day wishin me was back home. da dwama IRL an on imvu got worse wiff all da spunky stuff an whatnot an conflicts wiff ofer fwends. Me also met Ashley an Babsie who are 2 ob me best fwends on imvu an are also ABDLS wike me cept dey were born girls. Den Mysi started dis blog dis year an can come here to share me fots an feelings wiff any1 who wants to take da time to do so. me got more depwessed an den Holiday 08 came......... A dispute wiff me only support ober a ring me wanted to borrow ended up in an cearly audible expwession ob me twue fellings towards me RL pawents. Me RL mom heard an pwomptly came in a yelled at me wike neber before, desperate for a way out, me told her eberyfing bout me gender issues, her seemed to be ok wiff it at first. but as time passed, me decided telling her was a mistake. eben if it did get me outta a severe punishment dat koodve been, nofing weely changed cept da counselling. during me first visit me eben said em wishes out loud in fwont ob her an her refuses to respect dem. her is 2 faced an a hypocwite. her eben pwomised to stop yellin yet her still does it as much as her has been doin an her sick sense ob self pwide seems to gib her da idea her actually keepin her pwomise well. Yea wight.. me wet an poopy diapered ass her is.... waitin felt wike foreber dis skool year. but somehow me managed t make it all da way to here, an em continues to hold on despite me constant loss ob hope. hopefully me suffering shood start comin to a rapid paced but gwadual end dis summer. me will pissed if me has to wait anofer year an a half. me just has to get outta here. Da sooner da better. Meetin Ashley also sparked me interest in twying cloth diapers.

So dis is me whole life so far, an da rest is still unwritten. Anyway, me has a fillin dis mornin so me needs to get some sleep cuz it a big day an me fairly scared an stwessed out bout it. Bye.